I have always been interested in psychology; the human mind and its behavioral patterns fascinate me. So when my friend, Jon, recently gave me the book Choice Theory, by William Glasser, M.D., I began reading with great relish. The book discusses the intricacies of relationships, and how to develop them into successful endeavors that nourish and strengthen us and those we love. Since I am a skeptic at heart, I am generally cynical when it comes to the thoughts and ideas of others. Over the years, I have convinced myself that I know pretty much everything I need to function well in my personal world. As you may guess, that conclusion has put me in a few compromising and uncomfortable situations. My family has often also expressed severe criticism of my all knowing attitude.
In fact, I seem to have lost my touch. My ability to coerce, compel, manipulate or strong-arm others into my way of thinking has been fading. It is time to replace my destructive behavior with supportive, caring, nurturing and constructive conduct. I can no longer get away with being a wise guy. Up to this point, I have chosen not to evaluate my own psyche or critically explore my individual behavior. Deep down in the unused portion of my brain, I must have known there was a problem. I guess I thought it was possible to ignore my own shortcomings, and simply bluff my way through life. Jon must have anticipated my fall from grace, and has most likely saved me many years of ongoing problems.
The book is not overly complicated; it simply states that YOU must make positive, thoughtful choices in developing those relationships important to human survival. Snide remarks, rude comments and personal attacks are not acceptable. I have always believed that I have a well developed sense of humor; jokes come naturally to me, usually at the expense of others. I now know that this type of mockery jeopardizes associations key to my emotional survival, Belly laughs and snorts are simply not acceptable.
I have to say that by giving up my tendency to try and control others, thereby gaining personal power over them, my social skills have improved. My wife and children seem to appreciate my efforts, and there is a more peaceful aura around our home these days. Here at the trading post I have also noticed an atmospheric conversion. Most of the women on the premises have genial natures and have always been easy to get along with, so they also appreciate my conversion. Since I have adopted Choice Theory, there have been fewer emotional outbursts and crying fits. In my opinion this is a good thing. If we can just get Steve to buy into the new deal, we will have it made.
One method of problem solving Dr. Glasser suggests is "the solving circle". The process involves outlining a circle on the floor of your home or business, placing two chairs inside the ring and envisioning this area as an inescapable containment arena. Both you and the individual you are having relationship troubles with agree to enter the ring and not leave until an equitable agreement is reached. I explained this practice to Steve, suggesting that we use it when we have a disagreement with one of our artists. I told him this would assure a calm, thoughtful and peaceful conclusion to the transaction. My dear brother snorted, gave a hearty belly laugh and said, "Are you aware that the number one rated television show on the Navajo Reservation is The World Wrestling Federation? If you put a ring and two folding chairs in the center of this store you better be prepared to defend your title!" My wise guy brother walked away with tears in his eyes, nearly bent double from laughing at his own joke.
For some people there is just no hope. I for one will continue my quest to improve myself, and the relationships that are so important to my emotional well being. I will take responsibility for my actions and the reactions I provoke in others. I take heart in Dr. Glasser's notion that it is okay when I fall off the truck and briefly revert to my old ways. My only hope is that I don't get run over by that same truck. It is terribly hard to get tire tracks off of your Carhart's, or egg off your face. Onward and upward!
Copyright©2002 Twin Rocks Trading Post
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