Stephanie Unger's depiction of Barry and Steve, BEFORE THE MAKE-OVER
Kira, Grange and I had decided we needed to visit Dacia, so Friday evening we packed the truck and headed north. We picked up Dacia Saturday morning and made our way to the Utah State Fair. At the fair the kids rode all the twisty, whirling rides they could find, while I remained firmly on the ground. Dacia is well aware that I have a real problem with motion sickness, and is very conscientious about keeping me away from such entertainment; lest I lose the contents of my stomach.
As we wandered back toward the parking lot, I spotted a “Giant Pig” booth. The kids were not very excited about seeing the gigantic swine, but I just had to have a look. The exhibit gave me some insight into what my wife must think after she realizes that I have eaten all the freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. I have thought about getting stock in Mrs. Fields, since I can keep the company financially secure all by myself.
I was still thinking of that big pig as we started back to Bluff Sunday afternoon. Traffic on the freeway was light as we approached a slight uphill section of the road. That particular stretch made me think of an urban forest. The concrete path sloped gently up and to the left, obscuring any view of the city. No cars were visible, and the tall, thin street lamp posts lining the road looked like abstract versions of lodge pole pines. I began to feel somewhat peaceful, as though I was in an isolated part of the mountains. In its own way, the freeway was every bit as beautiful as the pine forests we have just north of us on the Blue Mountains.
Barry and Steve.... AFTER
As we crested the hill, my mind was flowing in a stream of consciousness mode, jumping from one thought to the next. As the traffic increased, I watched the cars responding to the movements of other vehicles. A large truck blinked and moved to the left, and the entire flow changed. I thought of how that is somewhat similar to the marketing plan we needed at the trading post. If we were able to do something novel, maybe the entire atmosphere would change; resulting in a new flow. Then I saw it, the billboard sign advertising a modeling program, and guaranteeing results. It started me thinking about how Barry and I had searched in vain for the right solution, and it had been right in front of us all the time. He and I needed a fresh look.
A few weeks earlier, one of our customers had mentioned that Abercrombie and Fitch long ago decided that all their sales clerks must be young and attractive. When I saw those billboard models, I knew why we weren’t getting results; Barry and I are just too ugly. I’m tempted to blame it all on Barry, but realize I probably can’t actually convince anyone that it is exclusively his fault.
In the past we had been able to overcome the ugly with creative baskets, rugs and jewelry, but as we have aged, that strategy has become less and less effective. Before Barry started coming to Bluff, I had a nice looking woman who helped me in the store. She and I used the ugly cop, pretty cop routine with great results. People would walk into the store, see me and immediately gravitate to Susie. It was almost as though they were thinking, “Wow, that’s a face not even a mother could love. Oh, there’s someone attractive; let’s go talk to her.” Susie got lots of sales, and from time to time I got the sympathy purchase. Altogether, it worked pretty well.
Then Susie left, Barry arrived and all we had was ugly cop, ugly cop. That hasn’t worked very well. It’s just too unsightly. So Barry and I have decided that cosmetic surgery and liposuction are what is needed. Fortunately we have a friend who is one of the top plastic surgeons in the country. From now on the trading post will have a new, attractive staff.
Let the chicks fall where they may.
Copyright©2002 Twin Rocks Trading Post
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