|Buffy the Duck Dog|
Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, primarily because I get to meet people from every walk of life; red, yellow, black and white. Most of them are kind; they talk to me, scratch me behind the ears, rub my belly and, from time-to-time, give me doggy treats. Never have I been handled roughly. In fact, the people of the trading post take care of me exceptionally well. The customers even show me rugs, turquoise jewelry and Navajo baskets they have purchased and must instinctively know of my taste for Southwest art.
Admittedly, however, I have grown restless. While I don’t care to give up my day job, I am looking for a way to make extra income. My people, Steve, Georgiana, Kira and Grange do not watch television, so I have been scouring the local newspaper and numerous periodicals scattered around the house for ideas. I have toyed with a number of alternatives; mixed martial arts fighter, marriage counselor, building contractor, long-haul trucker and many others. Unfortunately, I am too old to get into the ring, failed relationships make me sad, hammers don’t fit my paws and I am too short to see over the steering wheel of a big rig, so none of those professions have panned out.
The other day, however, I was perusing a copy of Time magazine and noticed a story about A&E's Duck Dynasty. Last year I saw an episode on cable television while Grange, Steve and I were traveling, and became enamored of Phil, Alan, Willie, Jase, Jep and Si. The article reminded me how fond I am of this family. These guys have made a fortune in the duck call and hunting business. They have also become as famous as the Kardashians, and had countless wedding proposals. Having never been in a serious relationship of my own, that interests me.
As a Golden Retriever, I was bred to be a gun dog, raised to retrieve downed upland game. My breed is intelligent and versatile, many of my extended family have become guide dogs for the blind, hearing dogs for the deaf and even . . . hunters.
While the magazine talked about Miss. Kay, Terry Bradshaw, wives, in-laws, outlaws, children, grandchildren and members of the local church, there was not a single mention of hunting dogs. “How,” I asked myself, “can these guys get along without a dog like me on the show?” Since I am a lover not a biter, I have a few reservations, but nothing that can’t be overcome. Consequently, I have sent in a resume and hired Steve as my talent agent. Since those guys are currently renegotiating their contract, maybe I can get a spot on the show. If you don’t find me at the trading post next season, look for me, Buffy the Duck Dog, on A&E. Until then, happy tails.
With Warm Regards,
Steve, Barry, Priscilla and Danny; the team.