Thursday, March 12, 2009

Bailout Beads

Barry and I have begun to see the light at the end of this current economic tunnel. After months of frantically trying to sell all the turquoise bracelets, Navajo rugs, Native American moccasins, cards, books and baskets we possibly can to ensure Twin Rocks Trading Post collects enough tax revenue to keep America financially afloat, we have finally hit on a solution.

I Want You To Buy Bailout Beads!

Before we discuss our plan, a little background might be helpful. As we all know by now, in October of last year, Congress rolled out its initial plan to rescue our faltering economy; the cost, $700 billion. When that did not go as planned, Congress decided an additional $787 billion would be needed. All this spending has lead President Obama to project a budget shortfall in the neighborhood of $1.75 trillion for fiscal year 2010.

Mr. Obama has some talented people on his team; Larry Summers and Tim Geithner to name a few. After 20 years at the trading post, however, there are few people in the land of the free and the home of the brave who know more about budget deficits and creative financing than Barry and I. We have seen our share of lean times, and so far have survived them all. As a result, I scheduled a conference with Barry last week to begin working out our own national recovery plan.

During our trading post summit there were some extremely tense moments, and times when I was sure we would not pass a recommendation out of committee. Towards the end of the afternoon, however, we began discussing some of our more successful initiatives. One program that got a lot of attention was Bridge Beads.

Now, as anyone associated with Twin Rocks Trading Post over the past two years knows, Bridge Beads have been an interesting aspect of our business. When the Bluff Swinging Bridge washed out in the great flood of 2005, Barry and I decided we needed to do what we could to save it.

Although the bridge was eventually removed for safety purposes, a movement is afoot to rebuild this important monument. By selling cedar berry beads for $5.00 a strand, the trading post has been able to contribute over $10,000.00 towards the enterprise. That gave us an idea; Bailout Beads.

Our goal is to sell 200 billion strands of beads at $5.00 each, thereby generating enough revenue to send $1 trillion to Mr. Obama to subsidize his stimulus package. Although we initially worried this might divert funds from the swinging bridge, we were happy to discover that rebuilding infrastructure is a significant component of the President’s plan. We can therefore kill two birds with one stone; save the economy and the bridge at the same time.

Steve wearing Bailout Beads @ Twin Rocks Trading Post
Steve wearing Bailout Beads
at Twin Rocks Trading Post.

Wondering how to get the process started, we fretted over our marketing plan. Taking our cue from those jars we see at Subway, where sandwich mavens drop a few bucks into the pot to encourage tipping, Barry and I placed $10.00 of our own money into the Bailout Bucket to prime the pump. As a result, our generous customers have added another $40.00, so we have only $ 999,999,999,950.00 to go.

Assuming our program is successful, we will renew it each year until the economic sun once again shines upon all Americans. After that we are going international. Don’t be the last one in your neighborhood to have a strand, call today. Uncle Steve Needs You.

With Warm Regards,
Steve, Barry and The Team.

Copyright 2009 Twin Rocks Trading Post.

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